we only deceive ourselves
by Magical Poof
Summary: And oh, what a tangled web we weave! [a love-square drama at its finest]


"O-oh," Adrien shifts uncomfortably, running a hand through his hair. Marinette's heart drops to her stomach as he looks away, something inside her shattering with the simple gesture. "Uh, sorry, I have someone else I like."

"R-right, of course, duh! Silly me," her voice wobbles a bit on the last word and she forces out a laugh. Her face feels hot and she blinks hard to clear the sudden blurriness obscuring her vision. "Who—" she starts, then cuts herself off. It's none of her business who he likes and she's and idiot for ever thinking it might be her. After all, he's a _model_ , there were probably countless beautiful girls throwing themselves at him on any given day. Who was she kidding, fooling herself into thinking he might be interested in someone like her? She takes a deep breath. "A-anyway I just—"

A sudden explosion rocks the ground and smoke begins to rise from somewhere on the opposite side of campus. Marinette stares at it dimly, only half conscious of the screams over the roaring of blood in her ears and the too-loud pound of her heart. _'Ah, another Akuma,_ ' a dim, faraway part of her acknowledges. She tries to take another breath, but it gets caught on the knot in her throat and she can't think of anything to say to excuse herself.

Adrien glances at her anxiously, biting his lip, but she can't meet his eyes because she's certain that if she does, she's going to start crying right then and there.

"Look I—uh—I gotta go," Adrien stammers, running a hand through his hair. "But, um, thank you. I mean, uh, thanks for… thanks. Normally I wouldn't run off like this, and I'm not trying to get away from you or anything—oh, that sounds bad. But really, I've uh—y'know I've got—got a photoshoot! So, um, sorry—again—and thanks. See you on Monday!" He glances over his shoulder, slowly backing away from her and her mind is too blank to put together a coherent sentence, even as he _runs away from her_.

God, she's so _stupid_.

-0-0-0-

"Where were you earlier?"

Marinette—no, _Ladybug_ —jerks her head up from her knees as Chat drops down onto the roof beside her, where she sits hugging her legs to her chest. She looks away, across the rooftops at the darkening sky, as the city lights begin to illuminate the night. She'd transformed into Ladybug after Adrien left, but instead of fighting the Akuma, she'd gone running off like a coward to cry somewhere alone. Usually, being Ladybug made her feel better whenever she was depressed. Ladybug was strong and clever and brave. Ladybug was all the things Marinette wasn't.

But right now, it seemed like Ladybug was just awkward, clumsy, stupid Marinette wearing a costume and making a fool of herself like always.

"Sorry," she mumbles, self-loathing surging at the thought of abandoning her duty on top of everything else. Despite herself, another tear leaks out of the corner of her eye. She wipes at it hastily, but of course Chat notices. He always notices.

"Are you crying?" he exclaims in shock, peering at her face as she turns away from him. His question just triggers more tears, because really, the last thing that she wanted was for anyone to _know_ that she was crying. She struggles to blink the tears back, even as he grabs her shoulders and turns her towards him.

"Leave me a-alone," she tries to snap, but hiccups on the last word, the tremor in her voice sapping any bite from her words.

"What's wrong, are you hurt?" he demands, looking her over. Marinette focuses on controlling her breathing, which has begun to stutter as more tears flood her lashes. Chat, apparently not finding anything physically wrong with her, loosens his grip and adopts a strangely soft expression. "Are you alright?" he asks a bit more hesitantly. "Did something happen?"

"I'm fine," she manages, brushing off his hands and standing up, turning away from him. "I just got a—" her throat constricts and the pause is punctuated by a loud, embarrassing sob that she somehow can't hold back. "—a bit of dirt in my eye," she finishes lamely.

She can hear Chat get up from his crouch, the roof tiles crunching as he shifts his feet. He doesn't say anything for a long moment and but she feels the pressure of his gaze.

"You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to," he murmurs at last. "But I'm always willing to listen."

Marinette hesitates. It would be nice to talk about it with someone who wasn't Alya or Tikki, who'd been there for every embarrassing moment she'd spent obsessing over Adrien. Someone who wasn't aware of the humiliating depths of her delusion, going so far as thinking that he might write a love poem about her—a love poem she'd fished out of the _trash_. Someone who wouldn't try to placate her with empty words. Someone who hadn't helped her fool herself into thinking Adrien had meant anything more with his kindness.

But right now she was Ladybug and Ladybug wasn't lovesick over some boy. Ladybug was too busy fighting evil for silly crushes. Ladybug didn't complain about her personal life, she was strictly business— _especially_ when it came to Chat Noir, who flirted with her every opportunity he got.

But then again, Ladybug also didn't abandon fights to go cry on rooftops by herself.

"Thanks," she says, taking a deep breath to marshal her thoughts, her voice steady as she wipes the last remnant of tears from her lashes. "But it's fine. Sorry about today, it won't happen again."

When she turns around again, Chat is frowning, brow wrinkled. She can almost _see_ his internal struggle—whether to follow her lead and crack a joke to lighten the mood, or whether he should try to pry some more and find out what's wrong. From the firm set of his mouth, and hard look in his eyes as he meets hers, it seems he's chosen the latter.

"My Lady, you know I—you know I care about you, right?"

She laughs with forced light-heartedness. "You don't even really know me."

"But I _do_ know you." Chat drops down on one knee in front of her, taking one of her hands in his. She's used to these ridiculously grand, old-fashioned gestures from him and usually she's quick to pull away before he can get any weird ideas, but today she feels too tired—too drained—and lets the warmth of his hands bring feeling back into hers.

"I know you're beautiful and kind and brave. I know you're clever and funny, and have a good heart—a _beautiful_ heart, one strong enough to purify any Akuma. I know you're always doing your best to save everyone, even at the expense of yourself. I know you're the best partner I've—or anyone—could ever have and ever will have." Marinette can feel her cheeks heating beneath her mask. She doesn't know what to say to all that because honestly—she isn't _really_ that great. He must just be trying to cheer her up. Chat's hands tighten around hers and she can feel the pinch of his claws. "And I know you mean more to me than—than I can put into words and… and if I could, I'd spend the rest of my life getting to know you even better."

There's a pregnant pause as Chat looks at her, unnervingly solemn and serious. She fidgets awkwardly, unsure how to respond.

"Wow, uh, I don't know what to say," she forces a nervous laugh. "That kinda sounds like you're in love with me or something."

"Yes," he says with a strange sort of desperation, his grip on her hand tightening even more. She turns her head away, looking out across the city as the Eiffel Tower begins to light up the night. She can't meet his gaze when he's looking at her so earnestly, so sincerely. He tugs slightly at her hand, as if begging her to look at him. "I'm in love with you."

' _At least someone is,'_ she thinks to herself, and although his words are for Ladybug, not Marinette, she can't help the strange tightness in her chest at the thought.

"Thank you," she chokes out, composing herself by fixing a smile on her face and pulling free of his grasp. "I, uh, feel a lot better now." Chat's words make her feel uneasy—warming her and at once weighing on her, like a burden she doesn't know what to do with and doesn't quite know how to hold without dropping it. Lacing her fingers together, she stretches her arms above her head as an excuse to escape the too-intense pressure of his gaze

Chat looks down at his hands, still cupped around the empty air where hers had been, then lets them fall limp to his sides. When he looks up again, the vulnerability in his expression takes her aback. "I mean it," he murmurs. " _I love you, Ladybug_."

Marinette looks at him for a moment and wonders if she looked this sad and desperate and hungry for Adrien's attention. Normally, Chat's flirting was so lighthearted and easy to ignore, but today she just didn't have the heart to blithely brush it off as usual. As much as she hated herself for it, the aching, eager-to-please vulnerability is Chat's expression made her feel just a little bit better. It was nice to know that there was someone out there who loved her so much—someone who thought the world of her like that.

"I mean it, too. I feel a lot better now," she whispers, leaning in. "Thank you."

Before she can second-guess the impulse, Marinette brushes her lips quickly across his before stepping back. But then she realizes Chat is staring at her, eyes the size of the moon, and her heart is suddenly beating its way out of her chest. The magnitude of what she's done hits her and she's flushing under her mask at her own audacity. The guy confesses his love for her and she kisses him? Talk about leading him on.

She has to get out of here.

Marinette's hand darts to her ear, cupping it. "O-oh, would you look at that!" she laughs nervously, backing away. "Looks like my transformation is running out. Gotta go, haha, haha, ha—" she lies, practically ripping her yo-yo from her waist and tossing it as far away as she can. She dares one last glance over her shoulder to see Chat is still staring at her, motionless as a statue. "W-well, see you around! Bye!" she blurts, before swinging away.

-0-0-0-

Marinette darts through the city, tumbling across the landscape until she rolls onto the balcony of her own home. The night air is cool against her flushed cheeks as she releases her transformation. Pressing a hand against her pounding chest, she slides to the ground, her back against the door to her room.

"Oh my _god_ ," she whispers.

Tikki flutters around her tittering. "Marinette! Oh my _gosh_!"

"Tikkiii! What is wrong with me? I can't believe I _did_ that! I can't believe I just kissed Chat Noir!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong with that? _What's wrong with that?_ I mean, he's _Chat Noir_ , like the biggest flirt _ever_. And he's always making those stupid jokes and—and he's—he's my partner! We fight Akuma together, not—not make out!" Marinette pulls at her hair, groaning.

"You've kissed him before, though," Tikki points out reasonably.

"B-but I didn't have any choice that time. He was under an Akuma's spell! And besides, he doesn't even remember it."

"Well, do you like him?"

"What? No! I like—" _Adrien_.

Suddenly, it all comes back in a flash. Her confession, Adrien's rejection, crying for _hours_ on a rooftop. She'd gotten so worked up over Chat Noir, she'd completely forgotten why his confession had touched her in the first place.

Tikki seems to sense where her thoughts have gone and the Kwami suddenly goes quiet, antennas drooping.

"Marinette…"

"I'm fine. It's fine, Tikki. I—I'm feeling better now. It was just a stupid crush. I'm _so_ over it." Marinette closes her eyes. It was true for a little while, at least. She takes a deep breath, swallowing back any remaining tears and stands up. "Anyway, let's just go to sleep. Too many things happened today, I can't think about it anymore."

Tikki hovers anxiously, an uncharacteristic frown on her face as she watches Marinette get ready for bed.

"Marinette, about Adrien—"

"Tikki, can we talk about it tomorrow?" Marinette interrupts, pulling the blanket over her head.

After a long pause, Tikki nods. "Sure. You must be tired. Goodnight, Marinette."

"Night, Tikki," she murmurs, closing her eyes. Tikki falls asleep almost instantly, her quiet snores soothing in the dark, but Marinette lays awake for a long time, waiting for the strange tightness in her chest to ease.

-0-0-0-

 **NOTES:** A multichapter fic? From me? Yes! I'll try my best to update it fairly often. I have a good idea of what I want to happen in the next few chapters, so I'm off to a good start! I'm usually the slowest writer in the world (I'm still working on some Bleach fanfics I started last May, lol) but for some reason this fic is just so quick and easy to write! Maybe because I'm not writing as "artsy" as I usually do? And not gonna lie, I feel like this is a bit more cliché than my usual stuff… Chat's little speech had me blushing. With all that cheese, no wonder Plagg chose him! True to my angsty roots, this will have oodles of drama and heartbreak, but a happy ending is coming eventually.


End file.
